A personal note:
I am an optimist. When I meet new people and when I think about people I know, I like to hold them to the brightest of lights. In other words, I like thinking about the goodness in people. In all honesty, I usually don’t care about ethnicity or color of skin or eyes. I like thinking about individuality. We are all unique, and it is not worth it to overgeneralize. I like being kind to people. It has been a real struggle defending myself against the unseen bad people. I like being nice to all people, but there is a song “Deep Cuts” by Brother Ali that mentions the poison he spit while he was angry. “Forgive me if I disengage, any venom that I spit when I was in a rage”. I think we all do or say things we wish we didn’t say or do, especially when we are angry. I certainly have spoke words of poison in my anger.
About me: I don’t want to say my age, but I will. I am not young anymore but I feel young. I am forty one years old. A painting of my person from the outside, if you know such details should be something like this: “born-again virgin nearing twelve years, single, unmarried, never been married, only one ‘official’ (in my entire life) serious girlfriend who cheated on me for four years. Non-practicing Catholic, Irish Hispanic, straight heterosexual, normal sexuality, highest education: Associates degree at a community college”. Something like that to get a basic picture of me.
Throughout life, there is a typical dating-to-marriage cycle that most normal people go through. In their teens and into their twenties people usually date and look for a mate, a partner, a spouse. Most people find their match in that time period. Sometimes people are really late and don’t find a match until their thirties. I missed all of that. I failed finding my match, my spouse, my partner, my lover. I haven’t found my mach and I am in my forties! I am near a complete failure in finding my lover! A near absolute failure!
It is okay that I have failed. Whereas I’m an optimist, I am not too optimistic that I will meet a lover, one single lover throughout my life, and I am alright with that. I wish I had a lover, that I’m in a stable situation where I can support my lover financially, emotionally, etc… but I wouldn’t be able to afford supporting a girlfriend, wife, or family at this point in my life! I prefer to be responsible and couldn’t be, right now, with my family if I had one. So that is fine, I will go without.
Over the years, there have been many years that I’ve been alone and without an avenue to express my sexuality. I haven’t had a woman, a girlfriend. So to stimulate my sexual, primal urges, I sometimes looked at pornography and masturbated. I would get aroused at the sexually attractive adult females. Their bodies turn me on and arouse me sexually. If you do so (look at pornography), I encourage you to read the fine print, the terms and conditions and privacy policies of those websites. Those sites, unless paid, are usually free and there can be no illegal activities that are associated with those sites. Whereas I do not so much endorse pornography now-a-days (I say go out and find yourself someone special who you can, in the context of love and fidelity, explore your sexuality with), pornography has a relevant function in society. So over the years I, from “afar” and through observation, learned about the opposite sex, women and their sexuality. Some of the women I “studied”, who aroused my primal sexual urges, were physically very sexually attractive. I imagine these women, because they participate in pornography, are typically highly promiscuous and available and open sexually.
DERANGED!
Enter in a beautiful derangement, (one of) my sexual fetishes.
I believe myself to have a natural predisposition and a natural propensity to be a family man, compared to the promiscuous woman – I suppose comparatively I would be somewhat conservative sexually. I wish I had a family to raise, a job that I could provide for my wife and family. I prefer to be faithful and have ABSOLUTE fidelity to my wife, to make her (and us) happy, however possible.
So that is my deranged sexual fetish. Imagine a woman with an extremely high sex drive, with extreme vaginal size preferences, whom is naturally extremely sexually promiscuous, whom is highly sexually attractive, and who I like as a person (love, actually) and who likes me as a person (loves, actually), and whom mutually prefers ABSOLUTE, UNWAVERING marital fidelity to each other. We would raise a happy family together. Life affirming procreation!
A abnormality, an anomaly of nature!
An extremely promiscuous “hoe” into a high fidelity, monogamous family woman!? (It’s not that far out… I would argue that a family life is a more stable and a consistently happier existence). Perhaps she just needed to express and complete her primal youth; and excess truly leads to the path of wisdom!?
#WTF (WHAT THE FUNK!?)
#WTF that is seriously unnatural, he is not rich or wealthy, he is not that attractive, and he has a small(er) size of penis. Her lineage and subset of the human species is VERY picky with men, she prefers the most attractive, wealthy men, and she is KNOWN to take pleasure in vaginal stretching activities!?
She knows me, whom I actually am, she knows my situation, I know her and who she actually is, and we are brutally honest with each other and we love each other.
Refined over millennias of millennias to be sexually irresistible and highly sexually attractive, she simply prefers fidelity to me, only me (for life), and to raise our family with me.
Relationships take much work and intelligence. Two people from different cultures takes much communication and effort for success to occur. If it true love, love knows no bounds. Diversity is a good thing – we want to mix with houses other than ours, yet some houses are incompatible and always will be – but also anything is possible with enough pure intention and honest effort…
I won’t say that I am highly optimistic as to that “fetish” manifesting, but that has always been a sort of secret fetish of mine.
I wanted to express my fetish because I also feel this is relevant in our modern day of so much over, hyper-sexualization and sexual desensitization. There is always hope and it is never too late.
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